Found a nice quote

"Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours."
  --  Dale Carnegie

having my one week study break now.

really not that interested in doing my projects.

feel like i should cry. cos i'm dragging my feet, and i shouldn't.

i think i'm just missing the momentum of school.

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half a year ago i was feeling quite awesome on some level.

and i thought it was real.

maybe it was.

but today i ain't feeling so special.

reality check.

it wasn't real then.

maybe it was.

i dunno.

all i know is, i'm getting a lot of shiz from someone,

but if it were someone else, i don't think i would be shizzed on so much.

i was spoilt then, i guess.

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This semester began quite well, but that only lasted for like the first 4 weeks?

And then I couldn't sustain it.

I have never been able to manage my time, cope with school!

I've never really been on top of things.

With each project, it's most difficult to begin. It can take me weeks to begin.
When I'm into it, I'm so driven and hardworking for that short span.
And after crashing through it, and it's done, I'm left with this empty feeling,
dad calls it the anti-climax thing, the law of diminishing returns.
and it takes me a while to recooperate.

i experienced that with olympics, the zine - the two i've worked so hard for.
i couldn't start on my zine last week. on thur/fri i had no school and was supposed to do it, but i had like no mood. no discipline. or. i just wouldn't do it. i was like self-conscious and judgemental of my work i guess. and i'm like a perfectionist. it took my dad really 'threatening' me, forcing me to do it by saturday noon that got me rushing through the night. and that push got me into it. i really need pushing ah. and then sat/sun i was so happy with my zine and so proud of it. and then i completed it just now, and the emptiness crept in. it was fresh but now it's stale. i'm sick of it! i started to judge myself. it's not as nice as i thought it was. ahh! nothing lasts! and i get sick of things easily.

i guess i get too attached to my projects, like they are my babies!
and the energy i put into them could be cut in half lah.
i need to detach myself from the projects. at least cut my attachment in half. or else cannot progress much. shouldn't cling onto things for too long.
i dunno.
but i know i could be suicidal like van gogh, because life is so frustrating for me.

i read blogs of people who seem so blissful. i've never felt close to that leh.

i am also majorly indecisive. this is why it takes me forever to decide on an idea for a project, or even the little things like the color for a tiny thing. and this is why i put off projects. when i can't decide or come up with something that satisfies me, i give up and go to sleep or procrastinate in another way. "if it's not good, i won't do it" kinda mentality?! weird eh. i have MAJOR HIGH EXPECTATIONS! and not like my work is damm good. i mean, i can guanrantee that if i look back at my work in five years time, i would find them pretty blah. but ya lah. i think i take a lot of pride in my work. i want to be the best but i'm not the best. i'm trying too hard! i do it for the wrong reasons. i enjoy the compliments. "wah so good!..". so since i have such a 'standard', i can't lower myself. i can't do shit work. so i always have to up my game. i won't show shit work! i'm pretentious! but then again, i'm not really upping my game. i'm just staying SAFE. yes. my olympics project was considered SAFE. i didn't try very hard for the posters, cos i suck at posters. i did something SAFE and it was well recieved. whew. i hope there is demand for people who do SAFE work!

i admire kids a lot. when we are young we are daring and don't care about what people say. we make shit work and are not self-conscious. we can experiment beyond our comfort zones. and most of all, we have fun and are not stressed by it at all. i wanna go back to that. i don't wanna be so perfect.

there. i have come clean. be disgusted with me if you may.

and i used a lot of 'i' in this essay.

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please make everything better.

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tired.

burnt out?

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no, i haven't died and gone to graphic design heaven.

i just feel bored that no one reads my blog, so i've been journalling in my sketchbook instead.

and yes, it's been a whirlpool of craziness. school, i mean.

craziness i can't handle with just my human strength alone.

for i stumble. i get exhausted, frustrated.

(i cried three times this week. for my soul was weary.)

i so need God, to carry me through.

i hope he hears my call.

and reveals to me that he is near.

for i cannot stand this long distance relationship no longer.

i don't feel his presence.

i don't know him....

on another note,

i 'love' moi classmates! :) we get along pretty well.

we laugh together. we cheong together.

(we come up with silly restaurant names like "happy egg friends" lol!)

we enjoy going to basheer together!

yay them!

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frenzified week.

late for crit review cos rushing work at home, and then they didn't even want to look at my work! argh! didn't think they would be so STRICT! LOSKER! PATHETIC SKUM!

after that i went for i love you you're perfect now change.

it was awesome to the possum!

i got a hug from zach! hahahahahahaha...

no photos though. forgot! sigh...

next...

OH! WHAT A LOVELY WAR
DATES AND TIME Wed 3 Oct – Fri 5 Oct 8pm, Sat 6 Oct 3pm & 8pm, Sun 7 Oct 3pm only  VENUE DBS Arts Centre, 20 Merbau Road, Robertson Quay  

In the tradition of Music Hall and with the cheekiness of Vaudeville, LASALLE College of the Arts presents a School of Theatre production of Oh! What A Lovely War, bringing together a cast of final-year students of both the BA (Hons) Musical Theatre and BA (Hons) Acting programmes. These students – from Singapore and all over the world – will tell the bittersweet story of World War I through songs and sketches that reminds us of a generation that was lost  and all that, we, as human beings have tragically failed to learn.

TICKETS
Standard rate of $20 applies to public.
Concession rate of $15 applies to NSF, senior citizens, students and groups of 8.
Midweek special (Wed & Thu only) of 10% discount applies to members of Association of Singapore Actors, Singapore Drama Educators Association, Technical Theatre Association of Singapore and PAssion Card.

TO BOOK
Get tickets online www.gatecrash.com.sg or call Gatecrash hotline 6222 5595.

Tickets are also available at The Substation Box Office and all SingPost Branches & S.A.M Kiosks.

A Gatecrash booking fee applies for all tickets.

For further enquiries, contact 6496 5000.

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ppfft.

i'm kinda frustrated about photography today. i spent like 3 hours selecting the photos for next week's presentation. and i'm still not satisfied. i guess i wanna be like...the best? maybe not the best, but i wish i can get a bit more...what's the word...ah! credit! it's just that there's this one guy who's the teacher's favourite in class. he is quite good la, sometimes. sometimes it's just luck and time. this week i didn't get really good shots. well. i thought some were good and had selected them, but i got some opinions from around. my bro didn't find my selections as good as i thought they were. and then it made me quite discouraged.

okay...then dad helped me select. well, i think he kinda only helped me to finalise what i selected. and i printed. okay. yucks. it's really bad. toooooooooo daaaark!!! urgh. i just don't have confidence to present these! i know that nobody's perfect and stuff. and i shouldn't like want to be perfectionist and stuff. i have other projects to do as well!!! and this is taking so much of my time lehhhhhh! sigh. so yah feeling terrible. i failed. it's okay to fail i guess.

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I LOVE YOU, YOU’RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE
PREVIEW Thu 27 Sep, 8pm  OPEN TO PUBLIC Fri 28 Sep & Sat 29 Sep, 8pm  MATINEE Sun 30 Sep, 3pm  VENUE Black Box Theatre, Drama Centre, National Library, 100 Victoria Street  

The longest-running off-Broadway musical on the boards, I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change is a slick revue of mostly songs and a few vignettes about the trials and tribulations of love in the modern world, based on a book written by Joe Dipietro. Featuring Level 2 students from the BA (Hons) Musical Theatre programme, this production is directed by Paul Lucas, musically directed by Tony McGill and choreographed by Fiona Baird.

ADMISSION
Preview on Thu 27 Sep is open to LASALLE staff and students only..

Standard rate of $10 per ticket applies to public for other evenings’ performances and the matinee.
LASALLE staff and students are entitled to one free admission per staff/student. Additional tickets are charged at $10 each.

RSVP
To book, please email events.pais@lasalle.edu.sg

Zomg!!! I think they only spent one month on this leh!

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the past week was pretty rough, cos i didn't manage my time well and did lotsa last minute rushing. but they all turned out okay, to my relief. thanks to GRACE!

like on sunday night i rushed to draw my logos for monday's class, and got two hours sleep. but it was worth it cos my logo was really well recieved! yay me!

i had a photoshop project due on wednesday, and i planned  to do it on tuesday evening after school but i was so tired i slept. so on wednesday i worked from 8am to 2pm, after which i went down to school to print my work and was so panicked! hah. lucky for me my class was at 7pm. had to go earlier cos of another class at 5pm.

glad i get to rest now. working on my logos...ah. later.

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